IT'S TIME FOR EZWIN TO GO

assalamualaikum guests..

it's been fated awin will go..but it's ezwin (our dtp trainee-- the one in red) who is the first to leave us. before she left, she has taken some pictures. i made it up using photoshop..and here it goes..owh, yess..about the stories, i promise you, i'm going to write some more regarding those happened this week...please have a wait.) --->>  i have fulfilled my promise. see the above entry!

FOR THOSE WHO VIEW THIS PAGE, I WISH YOU.."SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI"

some of you might have seen the movie snakes on a plane, right? but how many of you are really lucky to experience having a pig (the whole) in a lift? (lift, laaa...elevator tue.)

i'm not joking my dear guests...believe me, i'm not telling you tales...this is what i've experienced yesterday on my way back to the flat i reside. i was tired after dropping by to the taman melawati's ramadhan bazar. when i arrived at the parking lot, (in my neighbourhood), i walked slowly with both of my hands were full of capacity..(tote bag in my right hand, and plastic bags contained with meals in my left hand)

when i was at the lift lobby, i saw three peoples were rushing out from the lift heading towards their car in the parking lot. there were a guys and two women. all of them were ca-ya-nun-alif.... the guy was carrying something i thought to be a bulk of grilled meat. it was veiled by a sheet of newspaper. i felt curious, trying to figure out what was covered behind the newspaper? wow, i tell u guys, i can't believe my eyes after finding out the guy was holding this animal on his hand!

"HIHIHIIHI..i'm an innocent creature..don't put your swear on me"--piggy

the above is the real, raw one. but the meat inside the newspaper was grilled. so creepy to see the whole body of that animal right in front of my eyes!! it's hard to describe how do i feel seeing the head of this animal (pig, hog, swine, or whichever you pronounce it) when i was walking to the lift. my heart beats so fast (which can be defined as panic) and i never thoght to do something to react.

i just wonder what will the city hall do after knowing that incident? it is not the matter of insufficiency of lift facility, but it's the sensitivity. those three ca-ya-nun-alif were probably in haste to bring down their best meal for special purposes (maybe for wedding, religious celebration etc.) i can see how did they try to hide that animal that surely could bring hatred and annoys of some community.they rushed to find the vehicle so that the flat community will not see what stuff hiden beneath the newspaper..they have their own reason to do that..

but, i don't see any regulations to restrict things like that from happen. there is no regulations formed by the city hall to prevent something that leads to major multiracial sensitivity. to be specific, bringing the-things-which-cause-hatred-among-the-community doesn't present. i believe if there were other peoples who saw that incident, they will going to lodge a report. if i were in my 'sanity', i will do the similar thing. but during that time, my brain was inadequate of blood..the blood was rushing down my whole body and that make me feel cold, sweating, trembling...my brain scattered as i didn't know things i got to do. i was kinda shocked seeing the head of that-animal was grinning  at me..

owh..i'm suck in handling my panic disorder. that is one thing. another thing is i don't think i will ride on that-lift anymore..i'm going for another lift. how come i will ride on that-lift after seeing all those things before my eyes!????!!!

but no matter how do i hate them, i have to get along with them for the sake of my career..i will write some more since this is not a right time for me to put longer words in this blog..i'll update update soon..see you!

[2 b c o n t i n u e d...]

I'M LEFT-BRAINED !!!!!

just now i made a test organized by tickle as sent through my e-mail..i was evaluated to be  left-brained..it's not and odd result because things like this i have already expected. with all the criteria, i am eligible to run my left brain more than the right one. here is some of the report:

Mira, you are Left-brained, which means that the left hemisphere of your brain is dominant over your right.

Typically, left-brained individuals like you feel most at ease and in control in situations requiring verbal ability, attention to detail, and in-depth, linear, analytical ability. Writing ability and sequential processes of thought are also traits associated with left-brained individuals. We know this because researchers notice increased activity in the left hemisphere of the brain in people hooked up to monitors when they ask them to perform activities that require sharp focus on detail and organization.

In addition to isolating the ways in which your brain processes information, your left brain also controls the right side of your body. If you are strongly left-brained, you will find that your natural tendency is to be right-handed — though with some skills, you may find that you are left-handed if a left-handed person taught you how to complete a certain task.

the following is an excerpt from the star newspaper, 23 sept 2006 enlisting some ramadhan bazaars in kl:::

Lorong Tuanku Abdul Rahman,
Lorong Tuanku Abdul Rahman 5,
Lorong Tuanku Abdul Rahman 7,
Dataran Pudu Raya,
Cahaya Suria,
Benteng,
Jalan Fatimah,
Lanai Seni,
Tapak Wakaf Pemuzik Buta,
Jalan Raja Alang,
Jalan Raja Bot,
Jalan Haji Taib,
Pasar Dato' Keramat;
Jalan Haji Hussein,
Bandar Baru Sentul,
Danau Kota,
Setapak,
Flat Seri Melaka,
Cheras,
Jalan Setiawangsa II,
Jalan Kuching (Flat PKNS),
KJalan Telawi 1,
Pasar Besar Gombak,
Pasar Besar Taman Tun Dr. Ismail,
Pasar dan Penjaja Jalan Wirawati,
Setapak Jaya,
Taman Len Seng,
Taman Sri Selamat,
Taman Koperasi Polis Fasa 1,
Taman Dato' Senu,
Velodrom Bandar Tun Razak,
Lebuh Amapang (Deepavali),
Setapak Indah,
Danau Kota,
PWTC,
Brickfields,
Pusat Komuniti Bandar Tun Razak,
Kg. Kerinchi Flat 17,
Taman Bukit Angkasa,
Kg. Wira Jaya,
Setapak,
Bandar Sri Permaisuri,
Jalan Raden,
Seri Petaling,
Taman Melawati,
Around Central Market..

yesterday i "paid a visit" to some stalls in tmn. melawati. i went there with awin. never thought she was also interested to join me. maybe she has been delighted after i told her about "tauhu anora" appeared in Kosmo tabloid few days ago.

to serve it is simple..u need to beat some eggs and dip the beancurd into it.  mix it up with mxed vegetables then have it fried. after that stuff the boiled potatoes into the beancurd..make it tastier, serve a pot of sauce which made out of black pepper..

aaaaand...voila!

it's yummy..hingga menjilat jari!

RAMADHAN WISH

I wish everybody who drops by a happy Ramadhan...May this Ramadhan be a special day, and as the year unfolds, may all of us be blessed with all the joys a happy heart can hold.

A REMINDER

* I have received an e-mail from kak norma. he gave me several pictures of her daughter and family hoping i could choose either one.

* i have to e-mail kak AH some questiones about her career and the website she had developed.

*call Mdm. Fauziah for helping me to find some inputs.

CIK ADIK A.K.A MR-GEEK  

assalamualaikum my guests..

it's been a long time i didn't write on this blog. kind of missing it.

just this evening, i got some smsES from cik adik aka mr-geek. his heart thumped rapidly as he was invited by his gf (kak-d) for breaking fast along with her family. he told me this was the first time. he never been invited sitting together with his future mom-n -dad- in-law.

i'm happy for him..i know he had struggled to find the real love. he had long been disappointed by the women he loved.  now i can see how bright do his eyes shine after finding his soulmate at last. i'm happy for him..

i sent him several lines proposing what is the best he can do to please his future mom-n -dad- in-law...how to make them happy for the choice made by their daughter..i told everything to boost his confidence.. but it's rathers looks so fragile. i comforted him. he must put his believe on his capability. i know he can do it. with all the criteria that he posessed, they both won't say no. even if he spill the tea on her mum's cloth, it won't take a big deal. because kak-d does love him so much. that is enough to convince the parents she had made the best choice. but.....

but in fact kak-d is not alone who admired him for long..it has been a sad story indeed..i don't wanna talk about it anymore.. i know i'm just a piece of rubbish in his eyes ..but the rest of my life i believe i will never find a good guy like him. even though i've been taken (which make myself unavailable for him anymore)..but deep inside, i can't erase his image in my mind. i cannot get him away. his soul stalks me wherever i go. it is not merely his nice physical image appeared. it goes beyond that. i mean how good does he treat me so far..

as far as i'm concerned, he never took advantage on me. never being an opportunitist. i tried to lure and tempted him all i can in order to put him a test, but he never attempted to deviate. he had put our relationship clearly, i guess.. MIRA, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!..so, eventually i knew myself had zero attraction.

he always being someone who listens to me. who lends his ears caring to listen when i was down despite i just being a nuisance. after knowing him, i had my confidence live up. otherwise, i was likely living in my own world. i don't know how to talk with guys..i acquire my confidence everytime i talk to him.

but he never knew it all..how much i adore him..how much i care for him..it is not merely an adoration. it's more than that. unfortunately he never noticed..even if i did something to alarm him "hey, i'm longing for you..blablabla," he never tried to understand..our relationship  runs as usual. somehow, i felt give up!!!!

adding to my misery, he told me he had been engaged..so it killed my opportunity to get him all the way. to tell you the truth my dear guests, i would willing to sacrifice my life and limbs to get him. but i believe i'm just wasting my breath, blood  and tears in fact, he has nothing on me.

now he has his own girl..and i don't know he's still need me or not..i know i'm just rubbish and he wants to throw me away right from his life. i don't think he's gonna read my blog..since i haven't long been dropping by in here...by the way, i hope he's happy with kak-d. in spite of i'm still longing for him, i believe, sacrifce is the most sacred way to show my love. (uiikss? i never pronouced the word LOVE when i talk to him)

i have already be thankful to Allah for sending Abe for me..but it is the fact that "human will never satisfied". i only want to present someone loved and approved by my mum. indeed my mum had never seen mr-geek, but she had several times asked me about him. she had allowed me whenever i lie her to see mr-geek if i wanna meet ABe..moreover she had asked me to bring home mr-geek so that she can see him. i know, from what she said, i need no much attempt (almost none) to convince her mr-geek is a good man. he has all it takes to be my life partner.

let me put my faith like a line in P.Ramlee's song .."berkoran apa saja..harta ataupun nyawa..itulah kasih mesra..sejati dan mulia.." mr-geek had once told me

"tak semua yang kita nak boleh dapat..bersyukurlah dgn apa yang kita ada..."

but things he said sounds an echo of rejection..let the world know MR-GEEK REJECTS ME!!!....i know and i have to accept the fact...yeah. i'm ready for everything that's gonna happen. i care to send him advices, comfort, but deepdown, my heart is crying out loud!!!!.

THE sorrow i have to bear alone

it was itchy!!!..i rubbed my 'bumper' .. i gave a little scratch, scratch and scratch on its surface...i gave it up after finding it couldn't stop itching. i let it go. afterall, i thought it was a mark of the mosquito's bite.

PROF. dr. mohsen salleh (ext. left) in an islamic conference

it went so sad when i got an sms from kak ros on sunday, 27th aug. it is not because i've been informed by kak ros that my former head department will be flying in to beirut, lebanon. it also not because he's going to be apart of us here in malaysia, or not because he's facing the risk of adding up for the muslim death toll.

it is all because of the memory when he was still leading the department. he is known for the passion for the muslim struggle in palestine. he wrote books pertaining the issue,looking the old years before the land of ambiya' have been fallen into the hands of the pagans.

he also brings up the true meaning of islamic symbol resembled by the mosque al-aqsa. the 2nd most prominent mosque in islam have also potrays the same prominence in the judaism faith. but even he does stressed on the struggle of muslim for the survival of muslim in palestine, he is neither beg the muslim countries to raise hatred on the jews nor to support terrorism. as a palestinian native, he is just tracing back into history.

it is the ethnic which takes into account. in fact, the jews are free to embrace any religions as they are free human with intellect that having the freedom of possesing their own faith.

indeed, he doesn't urge us to resist against the jewish colonialization. it is the matter of zionism. zionism is a bit prone to a touch of jewish nationalism. they prefer all jews around the world to gain the diaspora in the same spot.

the zionist expansion in the land of the prophets

the spot they have chosen is none other than a place between lebanon, jordan, egypt and syria which is palestine. as the researched he did depicts how weak do the zionist's ground to claim over the palestinian land, he tries to expalain his findings through the conferences or books.

in fact, his struggle is so meaningful to me. his struggle displays the strenght of the native palestinian who fight through the intellect.

i still remember those days when i was a part-time worker in a shopping complex, he had dropped by and asked me to bring him a loaf of bread. he loved the bread found in that kiosk. it is tasty, he said.

he had also told me how should i settle the problem concerning my last subjects (in the last semester). all in all, he did all to help me finishing my study..finding me lecturers (prof.dr. ahmed ibrahim, abd rahman tang ) who can instruct me for my independent study. yes, he helped me a lot.

if i got a problem (or even if i don't have a problem), i'd love to pay him a visit in his room. we're gonna talk and he did advise me. i really appreciate it..

a year ago, his position has been replaced by prof. ahmed ibrahim abu shouk..he's now a general manager in an islamic institution in beirut, if i'm not mistaken it is alzaytouna foundation for studies and consultants..

and after kak ros sending me the sms, unconciously, the tears was streaming down my cheek and the memory years ago replayed..

note: 21st aug 1969---> the date the israelites set fire to the aqsa mosque (an australian citizen, Rohan had been responsibled attempting for it.) the date is celebrated in conjunction with the tragedy which tears the heart of muslims worldwide. 

i get embarassed

if you ask me how do i feel after dropping by at our booth in that_convo_carnival (25th aug), all i can say is:: i feel totally embarassed!! guests, i just wanna confide in to you because i believe no one will be on my side if i tell them the whole things i don't satisfied. but i can't help myself from being resented on the way we brought ourselves in that so-called conservative crowd. we should keep ourselves be in manner. this is not the ordinary universities we had stopped by. this is an islamic university. as a product of this varsity, i've been moved after what was happening in the past two days.

i wander if i feel embarassed in holistic way? no, i guess. i only found myself wondering how to 'cover up' my face after these incidents happened:

1) in the first day of our presence, we brought the not-so-popular artistes with us. they are lips, a girl band comprised of three chicks:, oshin, dila and shela. their turn took part after hand-in-hand with promotion of our studio-photo shot, the 20%-discount sale of our products, congkak contest. how did they dress, can be the issue. i learnt somewhere that the pro-liberal community in the that_university's students representatives has taken its control on that event. before these no similar things happened. i don't want to give further comment on their attire. it is clearly violate the "sacred place" (<--if i can consider it to be sacred because it is where i acquired knowledge, it is where i've been educated of virtue. and that is it, the place is known as "the garden of knowledge and virtue". (hey, i'm no way against the woman of free-hair, but one have to adapt themselves with the surroundings, isn't it? i don't know how do you feel of being student or the staff of this place seeing woman with free, highlighted hair, wearing skimpy clothes entering such holy place. pardon me, guests if i'm wrong. this is just my personal opinion. i'm not representing anybody.

2) i've been mentioned two of our young, cute practical staffs have to wear hijab, or such things resembles the honour to the university. those two girls had told me that they had bought a selendang to enter the university. but then after i reached our booth those girls are still free-haired! (i'm still get laughed while we were hanging out, chatting out along wihout showing my resentment on how they dress. but my heart stinks!)

3) this is about the mc. i knew him ever since he was being the project manager for the 65th anniversary of our product in the last june. he is committed and he did very well in presenting the show to the media. but during the event, he has not only being the p.m., but also the mc. he spoke eloquently and he did impress the crowd to stick to our booth (which consists the booths of h.q. and our company). but somehow, some words are not really suit the atmosphere. actually the words are don't really matter if it is uttered among the staffs of our company. it become normal. but while you are addressing to the crowd in an islamic university, i think he should mind it in the first place. hope he can learn something

4) lastly, i wanna spot the praying hour. i don't wanna give a damn how long will you take to spend your time on the praying mat. or how khusyuk you are in your prayer. it is your business. but it is shameful to see all of our staffs don't move around to perform prayer..really shameful. i heard the mc announced.

"ok, kita berehat dulu, ya. sementara menunggu solat zuhur," then some staffs laughed. they even replied.
"eh...kita semayang, ker? kah kah kah," i don't think it was funny. it just sounded too silly and i don't know what am i going to do after hearing those stuffs. i thought things i've learned during my past years of study have yet wasted. i didn't have my word to sound them, "hey let us pray together", . i blamed myself for not going to preach them to perform solat. i'm suck at that moment. none the less, i've got a minor reason; i was in period. herrrmmm..

another thing i couldn't forget was when abang_j being a nuisance. he saw me chatted perkily with my_same-batched_friend, a male one. he didn't bother to ask the_utusan_photographer to snap some of our candid shots. &^$#@.. he even tend to spread gossip. god, i hope those pictures will be deleted.

he was cursed by me!!!  

i just spent a little time with abe last friday. it was so short, but really meaningful. i thought i wanna ask her to accompany me watching the football match on sunday, but he reluctant. He would prefer not to be disturbed. i asked him did he never wanted a moral support? he said, no, he has been registered for fishing competition. he wanted to focus on the lake, fish and the whole stuff. i was quite sulky.

you know what, on saturday, he had promised me to see the drift-in-style, a drift cars showcase. i was quite exited. but after he spent his time with the deafening-sounded area, he didn't notice me at all. i was left alone. arrgghhh!!  he is always like that. i'm just nothing compared to his passions: the cars, fishing, travelling, hiking, football. if i try to fit the hobbies, he still bet that i cannot go with the things he loves. somehow it makes me sick.

on sunday, he had tried out his luck by entering the fishing competition. he spent the whole day passionately. he never cared of me at all. then, at 6++ pm, he smsed me he pissed off. he got 12th place and brought back home little piece of fishes. that is not worth it after he spent most of his hour at the lake. seemingly, i had put a spell on him..hahaha!!

rasa nak pakai purdah aja..

my friend, ainy did it in 1999. she pleaded she was pretty shy because of her profound pimples. i just laughing. she is actually not awful at all. her skin is fairer than me, and she looks sweet. what else she wanted? she always had disastrous hour when she got to do the presentation. she said, the public speaking had always killed her confidence. even if she took L A W, the course had never assisted her for being confident and outspoken. she remains that way until now. she once had shown me her picture in purday (veil) and she looked cool.

but in her university, ukm, nobody is allowed to do so as it can be the best disguise for the person who is taking advantage.  in the examination, a few students had been  captured after they admitted pretending to be their friends to sit for the exam. at any rate, i was very lucky that i was studying in the i i u m.

right now, i feel the same way as she used to be. (i'm not being very shy), but..hmmm... maybe i was so paranoid. i think i am alienated. not beng alienated by the society, but i think i look different from the others. my skin is so dark and i don't look like a malay woman at all (?). i'm not as typical as they are. i'm different. that's why i always found i'm being watched wherever i go. somebody or everybody being observers that make me feel uncomfortable. i know. that must be wrong with myself, with my face, or the way i walk, the way i dress. something wrong somewhere. and believe me, some guys did directly mention to me,  (i think they were gifted of ESP, kut?) by looking at my face, they found i'm sexually aggresive and got strong libido. (is it relevant?) i don't know. but to me, it is shameful to address a woman like that. it is just degrace me. i hated it!

so, i'm thinking of finding the new me. i wanna make a new move. i don't want to remain the same. so i'm still thinking wearing the purdah (niqab or veil) is the best solution....herrrmmm..

*************** i  sat for the SPA exam on 23rd august. i thought i'm not going to take the exam since i'd already undergone one. moreover, i have yet lucky to be called for the interview with SPA a month ago. no need for me to attend this one. if it so, i have to look for the best reason to give to my boss. arrghhh... i try my best not to cheat, try to be a virtuous one, but no one can't help this. everybody is opportunist. in order to pursue our better condition, we have to play tricks, to cheat , by any means as long as we achieve our vision at the end. so i just tried out the principles of macchiavelli, things i'd learned few years ago. i hope it works.

************** yesterday, i mensed a lot. my second day of  period. it is not as severe as i've been through a day before. i just took some panadols to make it relieved. during the lunch hour i hanged out with awin.. she drove me away to chan sow lin to fetched the_girl_who's_trying_to_nag_with_her. actually that girl is undergoing a job training with the paper.

after that, three of us went to a stall in salak south..i ate mihun_sup_utagha..oh, my god. even if the shop is noted for their best northern cooking, still couldn't beat mihun_sup_utagha i always buy in sec. 1 wangsa maju.

huhuhu...the_girl_who's_trying_to_nag_with_her told us she was too bored that there is only few things she can do in her current office..she doesn't go for outstation frequently..and she claimed that the new office had already so many new cadet rookies, that she seems to be a nuisance in there.

because the girl had out of cash, awin decided to buy her a treat. it's ok. (awin should be thinking to treat me as well! i'm getting jealous! hermm..after almost 55 minutes, we snet that girl to chan sow lin and we drove back to our office.

************** awin told me her experience to be interviewed by that_governmental_radio_station. it was quite great and it has no wonder she had a chance to get on air as she acquired experiences to work with a big name products, moreover it was her friend who become the producer for the "Career Women Segment" in that radio.

guess what? who had told me that awin was on-aired on tuesday..it was my mum! she knew her since i had always told her about awin, and thus awin also previously worked with the department_where_i_was..

awin (a sobriquet)  is so sweet. even though her skin is fairer than me, it doesn't mean she is so beautiful. she got a charms and allure that cannot be found in anybody. seriously i say, she had never hurt me since i know her. she is kind to everyone. the first time i saw her was during my interview. she even shook my hand, the person she never known. but she didn't give a damn. i'm new or old, she treat me the same. she's just sweet!

she is also cool and tough. seems to be protective whenever i walked with her. she hold my hand when we cross the roads..she teases me when i look sober..and i had ever dreamed to be such a great lady like her..

i heard she's applying a place in chan sow lin, so i might going to lose her. (sad)..but i have to be tough..as she enters my life i have to extract the goodness in her, i had to take her to inspire myself...erm...actually, i got lots of thing to tell you about her...but not now since i have to prepare to go to the office..i'm going to hold this on..

oh, i'm forgot! tonight, after the office hour, we're going to the convocation fiesta of my former university. something will be in there. it's the place where was i studied, where my little brother is studying..and the place where my abe  is currently working.

tomorrow, i planned to postpone my date with abe since i want to spend my hours to be with our_company_booth at the convocation bazar. (i hope my abe understand)